Dating Japanese Men
This post is not about my cafe or foodie adventure, but it’s about my journey together with my Japanese boyfriend.
Just a little background on my BF and me - we met through a language exchange and travel website because I was looking for language partners to brush up my Japanese before I went to Japan on an exchange program. He message me because I was particularly interested in going to his university (though I ended up going somewhere else, but that’s a different story for another day) and after hitting it off on LINE, we met up when I was in Tokyo and the rest is history.
You often hear stories or read articles about foreign man/Japanese woman couples, but you hardly find anything about foreign woman/Japanese man, much less so about non-Japanese Asian woman/Japanese man pairings.
Right off the bat, let me tell you that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.
Just like how you and me are different, every Japanese person is unique and do not act the same.
(though some of you may beg to differ)
I am sure there are many things, but I thought I would share 3 of my observations, based on my own personal experience. Again, I am sure everyone is different, and these may or may no be relevant to your own relationship!
1. You won’t hang out with his friends.
You know how all those “XX signs he is cheating on you” or “how to tell if you are a side chick” lists tell you to run for the hills if he doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family?
Unfortunately, that’s something you have to live when dating a Japanese man.
The BF has practically met all my friends, and yet I have only ever met 1 person from the BF’s side. The BF went with me to my friends’ weddings, but I have yet to attend any of his friends’ weddings, despite him attending his “10th or so wedding party” this year. He hangs out with my friends and I often, but I have yet to get a single invite on his outings with friends.
Sometimes, I get very upset and feel like it’s because he’s ashamed of me, or that I’m not pretty/smart/interesting enough or on bad days, even think it’s because I’m not important enough and that I’m just a plaything.
(Which I know it’s silly to think because we have been dating for almost 5 years and I see him every weekend)
Whenever that happens, I take a step back and try to see the big picture rather than focusing on that 1 thing. It’s still a struggle sometimes, you have to give and take when seeing someone from a different culture.
2. They communicate with you using LINE stickers.
Half your conversations will go like this:
You: I love you ❤️
Him: *brown bear throwing confetti*
You: ...
Him: *white bunny hugging brown bear*
Him again: *white bunny and brown bear kissing*
Here's a screen grab of a real conversation I had with the BF:
3. They show their love in a different way
He may not hold the door for you, buy you flowers, serenade you with love songs or dazzle you with a huge diamond ring, but he will buy you painkillers and pocari sweat when you have a pounding headache, eat your nasty experimental cooking, let you put your cold feet on him, help you with your tax returns and spend his precious off days lounging around the house with you.
My BF is also aware that I don’t plan to live in Japan forever, and he is currently studying USCPA to ensure he can get a job anywhere in the world when we leave. For those who know what CPA is, you would know it’s a very time consuming, expensive certificate with a pass rate of 50% (and it’s in English)
If that’s not love, than I don’t know what is.
So that’s it.
That was 3 observations I found through spending time and loving the man I now call my special someone.
Overall, I think interracial and intercultural relationships aren't all that different from same culture ones - both need loads of effort and understanding from both sides!
Just a little background on my BF and me - we met through a language exchange and travel website because I was looking for language partners to brush up my Japanese before I went to Japan on an exchange program. He message me because I was particularly interested in going to his university (though I ended up going somewhere else, but that’s a different story for another day) and after hitting it off on LINE, we met up when I was in Tokyo and the rest is history.
You often hear stories or read articles about foreign man/Japanese woman couples, but you hardly find anything about foreign woman/Japanese man, much less so about non-Japanese Asian woman/Japanese man pairings.
Right off the bat, let me tell you that EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.
Just like how you and me are different, every Japanese person is unique and do not act the same.
(though some of you may beg to differ)
I am sure there are many things, but I thought I would share 3 of my observations, based on my own personal experience. Again, I am sure everyone is different, and these may or may no be relevant to your own relationship!
1. You won’t hang out with his friends.
You know how all those “XX signs he is cheating on you” or “how to tell if you are a side chick” lists tell you to run for the hills if he doesn’t introduce you to his friends or family?
Unfortunately, that’s something you have to live when dating a Japanese man.
The BF has practically met all my friends, and yet I have only ever met 1 person from the BF’s side. The BF went with me to my friends’ weddings, but I have yet to attend any of his friends’ weddings, despite him attending his “10th or so wedding party” this year. He hangs out with my friends and I often, but I have yet to get a single invite on his outings with friends.
Sometimes, I get very upset and feel like it’s because he’s ashamed of me, or that I’m not pretty/smart/interesting enough or on bad days, even think it’s because I’m not important enough and that I’m just a plaything.
(Which I know it’s silly to think because we have been dating for almost 5 years and I see him every weekend)
Whenever that happens, I take a step back and try to see the big picture rather than focusing on that 1 thing. It’s still a struggle sometimes, you have to give and take when seeing someone from a different culture.
2. They communicate with you using LINE stickers.
Half your conversations will go like this:
You: I love you ❤️
Him: *brown bear throwing confetti*
You: ...
Him: *white bunny hugging brown bear*
Him again: *white bunny and brown bear kissing*
Here's a screen grab of a real conversation I had with the BF:
3. They show their love in a different way
He may not hold the door for you, buy you flowers, serenade you with love songs or dazzle you with a huge diamond ring, but he will buy you painkillers and pocari sweat when you have a pounding headache, eat your nasty experimental cooking, let you put your cold feet on him, help you with your tax returns and spend his precious off days lounging around the house with you.
My BF is also aware that I don’t plan to live in Japan forever, and he is currently studying USCPA to ensure he can get a job anywhere in the world when we leave. For those who know what CPA is, you would know it’s a very time consuming, expensive certificate with a pass rate of 50% (and it’s in English)
If that’s not love, than I don’t know what is.
So that’s it.
That was 3 observations I found through spending time and loving the man I now call my special someone.
Overall, I think interracial and intercultural relationships aren't all that different from same culture ones - both need loads of effort and understanding from both sides!
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